02/23/2009: "Once I Was A Boogie Singer, Playin' In A Rock And Roll Band"

February 2009

I've finally let my hopes and dreams go after realizing that my dreams aren't the same as my childrens dreams. I've felt for years that if I could just come up with the money to build that safe haven for those who really need it and employ my children in all aspects of the business, then my life would be complete. I couldn't think of any other people I'd rather work with than my children. It would mean my oldest son wouldn't have to commute on the ferry and be in that traffic every day. I pictured him and my grandson cooking in the kitchen and handling any problems that might arise with the security of the place. My daughter-in-law wouldn't have to be at the meat wrapping machine ever again.
My oldest daughter has been working at our grocery store ever since she was 15. It's been almost 30 years in the same job. I know she would be great at the book-keeping part of the business, and wouldn't have to work for unappreciative employers and locked in to union wages. It would also mean that her husband wouldn't be flying back and forth to Alaska every 3 weeks if he worked for us too. It has been said that he could be the president of the company he works for, if he would just move up there, so I have that fear of them moving away some day. Their 2 kids would also be excellent additions for the center and wouldn't have to go away to college.
My 2 youngest children have moved off our Island but are only about 90 miles away so I'm very thankful they are still near enough for family get togethers and holidays. They are both very loving people who would be great dealing with the kids at the community center.
I've also pictured my dead husbands kids and grandkids working there. I had this vision of all of us working together and living together on this Island. I'd like to get them out of the city to our Island paradise, but the more I've tried to include them the less I've heard from them. Just because I can't live without music in my ears all day, I've realized it's just not that important to them.
But like I said, my dreams are not my childrens dreams, and since I haven't been able to get anyone to put up a couple million to make my dream come true, I've thought about what else would make my life complete. Living out my life in the rock house and helping care for the horses. Let's All Dance til then.