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08/09/2008: ""Hospital Visit""

Fucking lung cancer! Now he's got fucking lung cancer. Pardon my language but that's the first word that came to mind when the doctor gave us the news in the emergency room yesterday. After about 24 hours of spitting up blood he finally agreed to go to the hospital. Six hours later we got the results of the final x-ray that confirmed a number of tumors on the right side and a big mass on the left. He has an oncologist appt. on Tuesday for more tests, I imagine it's to determine how long he has left, because the doctor said it doesn't look very good. I should feel some compassion for him with this latest news but I know he realizes why I don't. I just don't have any love or compassion for him, left to give. He sucked me dry eight years ago. My only compassion now is for our daughter because she still loves him even though she has seen how selfish he is and only cares about himself. His other three children no longer speak to him. I'll be curious as to whether they will find enough compassion to come and say their goodbyes. What a wasted life! I don't feel like dancing today.